Orthorexia is so Stylish : The Paleo Diet

The big diet trend right now is the Paleo Diet. Basically, everyone pretends that they are stone-aged hunter/gatherers and eats a lot of meat and vegetables and then runs around proclaiming how awesome they feel.

The best part about the Paleo Diet is that you get to tell anyone that eats anything that a caveman didn’t have access to that they are “not Paleo, not even ‘Paleo Lite’.” It’s pretty much the best diet ever invented because it allows you to be completely smug and self-righteous about your eating habits and judge the shit out of everyone that eats rice. Even organic brown rice. Yeah, it’s just that superior.

Forgetting the fact that you feel awesome because the Paleo Diet does not allow you eat processed foods like donuts and Thousand Island dressing and instead makes you eat things like chicken and kale. The Paleo diet lets you pretend that you are some sort of food anthropologist so it’s super fun to stand in the grocery store staring at that package of frozen broccoli and wonder if various ancient hominid species had access to deep freezers and self check-outs.

If you really want to crank it up a notch, and you know you do, because it’s just so validating, you can focus on sourcing grass-fed meat and eating only locally grown vegetation. Should you happen to live in an area that is covered with snow during half of the year, this can be challenging, but starving and struggling to survive didn’t stop the caveman, clearly they didn’t have to evolve to make it past the age of 35, why should you?

I’ve included some recipes that I feel really fit into the Paleo diet, both in spirit and in the fabulous nutrients they will provide to you – enjoy!

Stuff in Mason Jars’ Roasted Squirrel AKA “the hunt”
yield: One Squirrel

Sometimes backyard squirrels are so friendly and used to human presence, they’ll come right up to you! It’s like Paleolithic delivery!

step one: “Hunt” a local squirrel. There are many different methods you can employ, traps, luring with tasty treats, accidentally running one over as you back your SUV out of the driveway, the options for obtaining a wild squirrel are as numerous as the creatures themselves.

step two: Skin and dress your squirrel.

step three: Skewer on a sharpened stick and hold it over the hot coals of a fire allowed to burn down. Wood ashes can lend a salty quality to fire roasted game, so feel free to drop it in there every once in a while.

Serve hot.

Stuff in Mason Jars’ Dandelion Greens AKA “the gather”
yield: Depends on how many you have in your backyard

Mmmm, that’s local!

step one: Wait for Spring.

step two: Watch dandelions take over your lawn. Your neighbours may give you the side-eye for letting your yard go to shit, but once you enlighten them on the benefits of the Paleo Diet, they’ll understand.

step three: “gather” up the dandelions, rinse off any dog poo.

step four: you can either steam your dandelion greens like any other green, or if they are young, tender and have only been exposed to just a little dog poo, eat them as a salad – without dressing, cavemen didn’t have dressing. You can maybe put some sea-salt on them, but only if you live near a source of sea-salt, if you don’t you’re out of luck. Sorry, but it’s important to be authentic if you want to be truly priggish about the Paleo Diet.

Photo credits: 

© Execom99 | Stock Free Images &Dreamstime Stock Photos
© Stawskirobert | Stock Free Images &Dreamstime Stock Photos

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10 thoughts on “Orthorexia is so Stylish : The Paleo Diet

  1. fionaward says:

    By washing off the dog poo you may be depriving yourself of vital nutrients. I doubt cavemen had salad spinners to wash the mammoth dung off their veg.

    (Loved this post, thank you.)


    • Mason Jar says:

      That’s true. Not to mention all the parasites potentially within the dog poo. I’m pretty sure that cavemen were loaded with parasites, so it would add to the authenticity of the whole diet.

  2. perilousvoyageofme says:

    Bahahaha… loved your post. I’m glad someone has the same opinion about it as I do.

  3. peachyteachy says:

    Weird—I had a comment fest about this Paleo craze with fellow blogger the Kitchen Slattern Speaks, and dairy being the fall of man, etc. Which is such slander. Wasn’t the life expectancy around 38 at that time? Most of us feel pretty stinking good up to that point, I would say. Thanks for the like on my blog!

  4. cafecasey says:

    This, indeed, is classic. Paleo doesn’t really do much for vegetarians–we’d just die, but all my cool friends are Paleo, so I try to be accommodating. Being a vegetarian, it’s our duty.

  5. Word!!
    I had a room mate that was on this diet. She even extended it to a Cavewoman sense of hygiene. Meat and kale juices all over the kitchen, everyday.

  6. Rajibul says:

    Dr.Shanahan,I have two questions, I am renaidg Deep Nutrition slowly as i have four children and not a lot of free time. I am confused about carbs. Do sprouted flour items count as carbs, does oatmeal count as carbs. Also, caffeine. I know you stated that you drink coffee, is caffeine detrimental to health at all? Thanks.

  7. Fine way of telling, and good piece of writing to take data concerning my presentation subject,
    which i am going to present in college.

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